31 Aug

‘Cushiony wand’??

Yet again, I have to thank a friend for rescuing me and providing the initial thought for this post. I knew I had to tap something out this evening, but was stumped. Then I remembered a note from a friend, and employment law supremo, Elizabeth Nolan, at JFH Law (well worth a look: you want this lot on your side should you ever need them).

A wee while back, I had a chat with a few people, from all different fields, about how advertising taglines should nearly always be conversational (acid test: could you say the line to a mate, in the pub, and not sound like an idiot?), and not ‘addy’.

The worst recent examples of awful, contrived taglines that keep springing to mind, are;

‘Concentrated luxury’ (Lexus)

‘Real yoghurt satisfaction’ (Liberte Yoghurt)

‘You don’t just eat them, you shape them’ (Pringles)


No-one talks like this in real life. None of these phrases would leave a human’s mouth, outside of  advertising,  yet it’s the general public – your average Joe/Joanna – who these lines are aimed at.

However, completely surpassing these lines, I got passed this beauty from my aforementioned friend:

‘a cushiony wand’  (a description of the applicator for a new Maybelline lipstick).

You now have 30 seconds to think of when you’ve ever heard of the phrase ‘cushiony wand’ before, or when you’ve ever gone to use that phrase (or anything remotely close to it)…..


Well, don’t worry – for future reference, I’ve renamed some everyday products for you, so that you can refer to them in a ‘cushiony wand’ way and not feel too silly:

‘Symphonic movement enhancer’ – Bran flakes

‘Dynamic sun shield’ sun tan lotion/protection

‘Magical foot shifters’ – running shoes

‘Hair-caressing solution’ – shampoo

‘Temple soothers’ – headache pills

‘Dust destroyer’ – vacuum cleaner

‘Lash advancer’ – mascara

‘Cheery citrus liquid’ – orange juice

‘Cut embracers’ – plasters

‘Sweat sensationaliser’ – deodrant.
…cushiony wand… utter adw*nk.







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