09 Mar


Have you got a sibling?
Do they get on your nerves sometimes?
Do they know exactly that one thing that drives you mad?
Do they know exactly what buttons to push?
And yet you still love them.
Them knowing how to annoy you is, strangely, endearing.

This doesn’t work, however, if you’re selling a product.
You cannot annoy someone into buying what you’re trying to shift.
In fact, you can move them – in one ad – from apathy towards your brand, to antipathy … something you really want to avoid.

Here are five brands trying their hardest to completely get on our tits.


Dani Dyer standing still, breathing is annoying. Dani Dyer wading through this heap of shit is mind-numbing.
Clearly trying to jump on the TOWIE lingo bandwagon (totes, emosh, jel etc), the team behind this have tried to create ‘perf’ as a word, but so clumsily that they have to say the full sentence – ‘perfect with Surf’ – at the start. In creating ‘perf’ they then have something to rhyme with ‘Surf’, so they repeat it, three times, in utterly contrived circumstances, with Dani Dyer’s voice grating like a bucket of sand in your crevices.
It’s utter dross – makes me want to buy any brand other than Surf.


What is it with ads and poetry? Nationwide, Gumtree, Coop, Coca-Cola etc.
This one features poet Stephen Morrison-Burke, who I’m sure is a lovely bloke, but bloody hell is he painful to listen to in this overly sentimental tripe.
What has this got to do with banking? We’re currently in a crisis – how will Nationwide help me? Do they have competitive mortgage rates? Can they help with saving?
Nope – none of that. Just some guy spouting verse about Nationwide’s humble origins: who cares?


All I wonder about this ad is … WHY. ARE. YOU. SHOUTING. AT. ME?
I’d still be losing my hair if you spoke to me normally.


Another ad featuring someone who’s probably a decent bloke in real life… but an irritating twat on screen.
It’s ‘normal, down-to-earth chap’, Sunny, pretending to make an ad and telling us how wonderful Asda is, topped off with the cringefest of a ‘pocket tap’ and a thumbs up at the end… oh and his ringtone just happens to be the Asda jingle.
I kinda like Sunny, but also want to slap him. Tough one.

Postcode Lottery:

Oh my lord – that bloody song!
I don’t mind Paul McCartney’s version, but this one just grates. It lingers. It stays in your head long after the ad has gone.
I guess there’s that, plus the fake reactions of each winner. Ugh.

But although I’m being somewhat lighthearted, I do now have an aversion to these brands. When I think of them, I don’t exactly get a warm, fuzzy feeling… especially Surf (I started with the best).
You can’t annoy people into buying your stuff – bear it in mind.

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