I spend a lot of time on social media.
Actually, scrap that – I spend too much time on social media.
Anyway, because of this, I notice all the little intricacies of the ways in which people interact, and all their little Facebook foibles.
But … one thing that’s difficult on social media, is gathering someone’s tone of voice from what they’ve typed, so – to set things straight – here’s my guide on how to come across in a certain way:
Short sentences/one-word answers with blunt full stops at the end = ‘I’m p*ssed off with you / deadpan humour / you’re a bit of a knob‘
Ellipsis (AKA ‘…’) = ‘I’m still thinking / this is intended to be a thought-provoking comment / you may now laugh’
Winky face emoji = ‘I know what I just said was rude and slightly overstepped the mark, but winky face makes everything okay again’
Smiley face emoji = ‘I’m bored / I have nothing else to say / I hate you but I’m hiding it’
! = I agree! / this is exciting! / that was funny!
!! = I agree! / this is exciting! / that was funny! + I’ve just had a Red Bull
!!! = I’m so angry I’ve lost the plot / I regularly carry an axe with me / I’m 12
That’s me done. It’s Friday.